And I was feeling so miserable, I think, in part, because of those beliefs. I think I just felt that if I couldn't maintain this romantic relationship, then I wasn't lovable. She realized just how important friendship was to her when she was in her early 20s and navigating a painful breakup. Marisa is the author of the book, Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make-and Keep-Friends. I'm Maya Shankar, and this is A Slight Change of Plans, a show about who we are and who we become, in the face of a big change. On today's episode, we explore the science of friendship, why it matters more than we might think, and what we can do to make new friends and keep the ones we have. You should reach out the next time."īut mutuality is taking a step back, to look at the broader dynamics that are going on for each of us and figuring out whose needs make sense to prioritize in this given situation. Mutuality is different from a lot of the ways that we think about friendship, in terms of, we might think of it as reciprocity, like, "I reached out this time. In our conversation, she shares some helpful strategies to enrich the quality of our friendships, including a concept known as mutuality. Society often teaches us that friendship is secondary to other relationships, like family or romantic partners, and Marisa wants to change that. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and an expert on friendship. I thought that those messages were actively harming me and that they might be harming other people too. It called into question some of the beliefs that I had about romantic versus platonic love. I looked around at my friends, and I was like, "Well, why doesn't this love matter? Why have I been told that this love doesn't count?"
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